My Immortal - Evanescense

The wind passed through her unbuttoned heavy coat and shifted the bouquet that rested between her palm and fingers. The fist it created tightened as she stared through the embossed granite slab at her feet. It was too real and yet so surreal that the thought still made her cringe in denial from time to time.

In her hand, she didn't feel the dozen stiff stalks of the multicolored flowers. She felt his tiny palm and fingers, warm and sticky from whatever treat he couldn't keep from getting on himself that day. In front of her was the inscription of his name and the date his life stopped, but she saw the bouncing golden locks of the baby boy whose dimples could make any urge to scream in anger disappear in an instant. She saw the tiny Spiderman shoes connected to the doll sized jeans and the matching Spiderman t-shirt he proudly picked out himself that day. Even when he put on the grouchy face and sat in the corner with his crocodile tears, he was one of the most amazing creatures she'd ever helped create.

She smiled as she thought about the awkward phase with a mouth full holes and mixed and matched sized teeth and his singing "All I Want For Christmas" in his second grade class holiday recital. The matching red and green sweaters and paper antlers as he attempted to dance to the beat, but always seemed one count behind. It didn't matter about his lack of rhythm because it just made the entire routine worth sitting through the Dreidel Song, Grandma Got Run Over, and Silent Night every year.

His white prom tuxedo with tails, red bow tie and cummerbund still makes her laugh to think about. It didn't matter how many people asked if he really want to wear white, it just made him want to wear it more. He smiled through pimples, the contact lenses, patchy half grown beard and would make fun of his own bowl hair cut, but the beautiful young lady next to him didn't seem to see any of that. When she took out her camera and snapped that special picture on her paint chipped stoop of the couple together, she knew there wasn't going to be anything stopping him no matter what anyone said.

His baby blue eyes caught the gaze of whatever size audience he spoke to whether it be the kid next door or the family hanging around the fire. The night he celebrated nine months of staying he clean, his dazzling dimple accented smile never failed. He'd worked so hard to that point and he gave back. He spoke about his struggle and he educated others about the dangers. They all wanted to hear his story and his voice radiated across the burning embers. He spoke of the nights where his body shook and his bones ached and he cried in her arms. The nights that he wretched and convulsed on the cold tile floor and when he locked her out because he didn't want her to see him like that anymore. The night of his celebration they both basked in the fact that it wasn't in vain. In that moment, with a small cake blazing bright, her little boy with the golden locks and the mismatched teeth and the pimples, was a man who fought tooth and nail to stay with the ones he loved.

The leaves rustled as the wind kicked through her again sending a shiver up her spine. His soft voice floated on the thin air around her. This stone was not what was left of his glow. He haunted her for good or for bad and he radiated through her wherever she went. His personal struggle might be over, but her baby's message would live on. She wiped the tear streaks as she placed the bouquet at her feet. Planting a kiss on the crisp granite top, she let one final tear fall, patted the stone and smiled. "I love you, baby boy. Forever."